WoW Humor: Part one
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##NOLIGHTBOX##I’ll start with warlocks this time, so you don’t flame me immediately.
Do you know who invented warlocks? Someone who couldn’t win a single duel with any other class.
My lock is so imba he doesn’t even need mana - my pet uses Dark Pact on me.
Now this one’s old but who cares.
Admiral Proudmoore landed on Kalimdor with a large force. He was then startled by a voice that called out to him from some nearby bushes.
“Hey Human! One warlock. Two humans!”
Realising this voice belonged to one of the foul orcs, and confident in the superiority of his own race, the Admiral took the orc’s challenge. Calling out for two of his best soldiers, he pointed to the bushes.
“You two. Go in there and slay that warlock!”
Obediently the two soldiers rushed into the bushes and out of sight. Then the sound of a loud but all too brief battle erupted. Followed by the death cries of two humans… Then silence…
“Hey human!” the voice grunted again. “1 warlock. 10 humans!”
Growling, the Admiral again took the orcs challenge, and gathered 10 very eager volunteers, all impatient to avenge their two fallen comrades.
“Go in there and destroy that beast!”
Again the men charged into the bushes out of sight. The sounds of battle again erupted, and lasted a little longer this time. But just the same as before it ended with the deathcries of the human soldiers.
Then again there was silence.“Hey human! 1 warlock! 50 HUMANS!!!”
Furious, the Admiral decided to take no more chances and called upon his 15th battallion, a hundred of his finest troops, and again pointed into the bushes. “CHAAAARRRRRRGGGEEE!!!” he roared at the top of his lungs.
Charging in the army vanished into the dense bushes. Knights on horseback, sorceresses and priests, footmen, even dwarven riflemen and mortar teams made up this mighty force.
The sounds of a massive battle came from within the bushes, the earth shook, trees fell and large parts of the landscape exploded. There were gunshots, clashing of blades, fleshy thuds, and a veritable chorus of death cries. But soon, once again, there was silence.
Then without warning, one of his men came limping out of the bushes, with a frantic look on his face. He was bleeding profusely, an arm had been chopped off, and he looked ready to die. But before passing out, he cried out to the Admiral.
“Sir, sir! Its a trick!! There’s 2 of them!!”
Why didn’t the undead cross the road with the chicken?
…he didn’t have the guts.
What do you call an elf on drugs?
A High Elf.
The druid says to the warrior, “what classes do we need”. The warrior says, “about 10 mages, 5 priests, 4 druids, 8 warriors, 3 warlocks and 6 rogues.” The druid replies, “Ok I’ll go get a shaman”.
A dwarf goes into a bar in Stormwind and orders four beers. He starts drinking them, one sip each at a time, and after about a half hour he’s finished all four, pays, and leaves.
The next day he returns, doing the same thing. The bartender looks at him funny, but pours the four drinks and serves them. He drinks them the same way, until he finishes all four, pays, and leaves again.
The third day, when the dwarf returns, the barkeep can’t take it anymore. “If you drink the beers one at a time, they’ll all be cold and won’t get flat at the end. Why do you want all four at the same time?”
The dwarf explains: I have a brother in Ironforge, one in Booty Bay, and one who lives on Theramore Isle. We can’t get together as much as we want, so at the same time each day we all go to a bar and order a round. We drink ‘em all and pretend we’re all at a bar together”.
The barkeeper nods and serves four beers. Nobody else disturbs the dwarf while he finishes off the four beers.
The next day the dwarf comes into the bar, but only orders three beers. Silence falls. Nobody at the bar can look the poor dwarf in the eye. Finally, the barkeeper walks over to try to console him. “I’m so sorry for your loss. Do you want to talk about it? Tell us what happened to your fourth brother”.
The dwarf looks confused for a moment, then bursts out laughing.
“It’s not what you think!!! I just quit drinking today!”
You got any jokes of your own? Post a comment or mail me and I’ll be sure to post it next time!
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((An oldie but goodie))
Hi there.
Recently i saw an enormous amount of posts regarding warlocks, deathcoil, and how overpowered and imbalanced warlocks are.
To help you fellow players, i’ve decided to write a guide, being a warlock myself, so that more people can succefully defeat warlocks on their server.
This will be a comprehensive guide containing images, spoilers, tactics, and tips to defeat this imba class.
For the purposes of this guide, i’ll assume the warlock is Soul-link specced, since it is the most imbalanced build as people say.
Preparation
You can find an SL warlock outside IF or Orgrimmar, this is the place were most SL warlocks hang out.
To initiate combat, you should approach the warlock and talk to him. He will say something about how nerfed warlock were, and how they could not kill anyone in previous patches, and how they became godlike while mages are now water dispensers. After you talk to him, click DUEL to start the fight.
PHASE ONE
You should position yourself as shown in this image:
http://img133.imageshack.us/my.....mod8jo.jpg
The warlock will begin the fight without a pet, because he will feel too overpowered to use a pet against you. MT#1 and MT#2 should position the warlock so that his back will face the tank farther away from the IF door. It is advisable for them to have at least 350 shadow resistance, and one of them should also have 250 fire resist minimum. (This is explained later). Greater Shadow Protection pots are also a good commodity, as Whipper root tubers and +50 stamina potions from the quest in Blasted Lands.
The melee DPS group (shown as YELLOW in the pic) should stay behind the warlock, near the tank farther away from the Gate. This is done because they will need to retreat behind the tank and bandage, from time to time. (Bandage spot is shown on the pic)
The rest of the raid should position as shown in the picture. It is important for the raid to have about 120-200 shadow resistance, which will help sustain the damage. Keep in mind you will need at least 2 dispellers for each debuff type, otherwise you will wipe pretty soon.
During Phase 1, the warlock will perform a series of attacks:
SHADOW BOLT: A bolt of shadow is launched every 4 seconds to the tank that has aggro, causing 1200 to 2500 shadow damage, depending on resistance. A shadow bolt will crit between 3500 and 6500 damage, again depending on the target resistance. This is were MT#2 should come into play: If a Shadowbolt crits MT#1, he will have a debuff that will increase Shadow damage by a Zillion times. This is when MT#2 should taunt the warlock to prevent MT#1 from dying. MT#1 will then do the same thing once another Shadowbolts crits MT#2.
Curse of Doom: Every 1 minute, the warlock will cast CoD on a random raid member. This member should move outside the raid and unload full DPS, since he will die within the minute.
Shadowburn: The warlock will cast Shadowburn everytime he changes target. If one of the raid members gets aggro, he will suffer shadowburn and instantly die. It is important not to OverDPS, or members will die one after another.
Fear: The warlock will cast Fear on a randomy raid member, every few seconds. You should provide everyone with Fear Ward if you have it, and dispel fear ASAP, especcially on MTs and Healers.
Phase 1 is relatively easy and will last until the warlock has 70% life. This can take between 3 and 5 minutes, depending on your equipment.
PHASE TWO
When the warlock reaches 70% life, he will instacast a felhunter and Soul Link it. This is when the fight becomes harder.
Note: You cannot kill the warlock while the felhunter is alive. If you try to, the warlock will say that It’s not his time yet and will use an healthstone, which will probably render the fight impossible in phase three.
A few moments before Phase two, the raid should move as shown in the pic.
http://img336.imageshack.us/my.....mod5yb.jpg
Note: MT#3 and MT#4, which are tanking the felhunter, should stay at least 10 yards away from the warlock
Phase two is all about killing the felhunter.
The felhunter CANNOT BE DAMAGED by magic, as it has very high magic resistance. Also, during phase two, you should not magic debuff the pet or the warlock, otherwise the felhunter will remove the debuff and heal himself.
MT#1 & #2 should stay on the warlock with a few healers, while the melee DPS group will take down the Felhunter, while the magic
DPS group focuses on the warlock. During this phase, the warlock will receive next to no damage, as he is Soul Linked to the pet.
During Phase two, the warlock will have a new attack at his disposal:
Hellfire: Every 20 seconds, the warlock will cast Hellfire and hit anyone within 10 yards for an incredible amount of Fire damage.
Every DPS class standing near the warlock should retreat as shown in the picture and bandage as soon as he casts hellfire. Only the MT with Fire resistance should remain near the warlock. This is done because if the warlock finds no one within melee range during Hellfire, he will summon an Infernal and wipe the raid.
When the Felhunter is dead, PHASE THREE begins.
PHASE THREE
Phase three will begin as soon as the Felhunter is dead.
Notes: The warlock should be at around 40% health now. If he’s any higher than that, you’ll prolly not be able to take him down before you wipe. Also, if you have more than 6-7 dead members by now, you will probably wipe as you can’t do enough DPS.
During phase three, the warlock will use all his arsenal to kill you.
Curse of Shadow/Elements/Agony: Every 10 seconds, the warlock will cast a random Curse on the entire raid. These debuffs should be removed as soon as possible. If CoE or CoS are not removed after 10 seconds, the warlock will cast Immolate/Shadowbolt on the member, killing him.
Howl of Terror: The Warlock will randomy cast HoT, hitting all the melees around him. You need to be quick and dispel Fear on the MTs otherwise they will lose aggro.
Death coil: The most imbalanced spell in the warlock’s arsenal. This spell will be cast on a random raid member killing him, and will heal the warlock. CT_raidassist will warn you when the warlock is about to cast Deathcoil, and all Healers should hide behind the tank. If more than 3-4 healers are killed, the MTs will not be able to sustain damage and die, wiping the raid.
Note: In this pic ( http://img336.imageshack.us/my.....mod5yb.jpg. ) an arrows point to the out-of-LOS spot for Healers. This is where you should hide when the warlock is about to deathcoil
PHASE FOUR
When the warlock is at 5% life, he does an emote saying “Imba Warlock performs one last service for Blizzard” He will then cast Curse of Doom on the entire raid. This means you need to kill him within one minute, or you will wipe. You should have at least 15-20 DPS classes still alive here, otherwise you won’t be able to kill him in time.
If you manage to kill him within the minute, congratulations! You just killed the hardest boss currently in World of Warcraft!
I love being a warlock
Joke
One of my favorite Warlock and Pallie jokes.
Funny, enjoyed the humor.