Yet Another Warlock Nerf

We already discussed the various ways warlocks can be evil. It’s in our nature, and even those of us who aren’t on RP servers must crave for world domination. There are many of us out there who pride themselves in spreading hatred and causing rage attacks on fellow players, but how to you measure one’s true evilness? Well, yours truly came up with a cunning solution: Evil Points^TM.

There’s a list of evil achievements below which should be completed by every self-respecting warlock, so grab a pen and paper, open your armory profile and show the world how evil you really are!

1. Bad example

EP: 20

Requirements: Eat the sweets while your orphan is watching.

Taking candy from children will give you ten bonus evil points. What’s better than seeing a young innocent orphan cry like a mage? If he ever asks you to bring him to see the Dark Portal again, summon him on top of it, kick him where the sun don’t shine and tell him to grow the hell up! When you do, make sure you also complete…

2. Home alone

EP: 10

Requirements: Use your Hearthstone while your orphan is with you.

Just leave the little prick and let him find his way back alone, okay?

3. Capture the flag

EP: 10

Requirements: Personally carry and capture the flag in Warsong Gulch.

Seeing a squishy clothie making a break for it and contributing to a win always brings a smile on my face, but don’t do it too often! Helping others out is really not our style. It’s not the most evil thing you can do, but it really annoys fellow players and that’s our agenda, ain’t it?

4. Deathcharger’s Reins

EP: 20

Requirements: Obtain the Deathcharger’s Reins from Baron Rivendare in Stratholme.

Even though this task is nearly impossible, you shouldn’t miss the chance of getting one of the coolest mounts in game. The drop rate was increased but it still might take a couple hundred Stratholme runs to get the reins. When you do get it, you’ll become the object of loathing and the entire server — possibly even the whole battlegroup, will hate you for it! How could you possibly resist?

5. Fiery Warhorse’s Reins

EP: 20

Requirements: Obtain the Fiery Warhorse’s Reins from Attumen the Huntsman in Karazhan.

If deathchargers are not your thing, this Fiery Warhorse just might be the mount you’re looking for. It has a much higher drop rate and your chances of getting it will mostly depend on how lucky your rolls will be, which reminds me…

6. Needy

EP: 10 (possibly 20, read on!)

Requirements: Win a need roll on a superior or better item above level 185 by rolling 100.

It ain’t as hard as it looks, you’ll win points for this eventually. But the beauty is in the extra ten you get for ninjaing an item you don’t even need. Be a greedy bastard like you’re supposed to and show those ho’s not to mess with masterminds such as yourself!

7. Friend or fowl

EP: 10

Requirements: Slay 15 turkeys in 3 minutes.

Not that you’d ever need an incentive for slaying harmless critters, but you’ll get another ten points for this malevolent misdeed as well. Killing 15 unsuspecting moonkin does indeed count, but no cheating!

8. Defeat Onyxia

EP: 10

Requirements: Defeat Onyxia.

Note that you must kill the bad dwagon all by yourself. If mages can do it, so can you! Don’t mind the fact that Onyxia is actually evil: a true villain must show no mercy even for other evil-doers. Do it I say, do it!

9. Out with it

EP: 10

Requirements: Eat so many Tricky Treats that you get an upset tummy.

You can eat all the candy you want and not worry about your weight. Believe it or not, puking is quite fun when you’re doing it in a game. Bonus points if you do it at a family reunion or celebration while everybody’s watching you: let those pixels come out and spread some love with them (or hate, depends who you ask). If  it’s not too much for you to handle, try to figure out a way and do it with achievement number one, Bad Example.

10. Storming Stormwind

EP: 10

Requirements: Kill King Varian Wrynn.

Do I even have to explain why? Is it not obvious already we do not like children, especially the annoying ones who pretend to be kings? If you’re alliance (which honestly, ain’t the most evil faction), go grab a snowball and throw it in his face repeatedly, however do note it only counts if you’re on a RP server.

11. The snows of Northrend

EP: 20

Requirements: Complete all of Hemet Nesingwary quests in Northrend

For this one you’ll have to kill dozens and dozens of creatures, but in addition to EP the dude will actually reward you with gold, experience and even items — you being a greedy bastard won’t pass on this opportunity now will you. Not that you’d ever miss a chance to kill those monsters anyway, right? In fact, killing as many random monsters as you can is a reward in itself so go knock yourself out. Wipe out the entire freakin’ Northrend population if you wish, Outland was more fun anyway!

12. Warglaives of Azzinoth

EP: 50

Requirements: Owner of a set of Warglaives of Azzinoth.

Undoubtedly the ultimate act of evil doing, depriving some melee douchebag of these two beauties will make sure you never again get invited to all those pointless raids and boring guilds.  There’s enough room only for you and you alone in the plans for world domination, so the sooner you get rid of all your friends the better! If you can do this achievement in the same time as number 6 (Needy), more power to you. Even today the Warglaives are without a doubt the coolest looking weapons in game, therefore a warlock should have them. I simply can’t stress that enough!

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So I must admit I’m far from being the most evil warlock out there. Even though I’m not a big fan of achievements, I did my share of evil deeds but out of possible 210 evil points I only have 70. Now take an honest look at your armory profile and tell me, how evil are you?